As I sit here in the comfort of my own home, I hear in the distance the sounds of the Tremont High School Friday night football game going on.. people laughing and having a good time together. I have in the back of my mind (or maybe a little more towards the front) the thoughts and images of my family and some friends spending time together in my hometown, preparing for the Autumn Glory Parade in the morning. Every once in a while, I hear the sound of a car nearby outside.. I look, realize it's not Carson (knowing good and well that he won't be home for a few more hours), and then slouch back down on the couch.
It's almost as if I'm depressed and lonely; wishing I could be laughing and having a good time, spending time with my family, or even slouching on the couch, still, but with my husband by my side. To add to it all, I've not really been feeling well the past couple of days... napping during breaks at school, sleeping as soon as I get home from school, etc.
Yes, it would be great if I could be with one of those people I love. Yes, it would be great to spend my Friday night "doing" something. Yes, it would be great if I felt 100% again. BUT! Don't I have so much to be thankful for already?
Philippians 4:19 comes to mind:
"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." -ESV
I have a roof over my head. I have a family that, from 11 hours away, still loves me when they are having a good time. I have friends that are amazing.. in Maryland, in Virginia, in Life Action, and here in Illinois! I have a husband that loves me to the best of his ability the way our God loves his bride. I have been learning so much at my school that I have wanted to go to for what seems like forever. Heck, I got to spend today giving and getting scalp treatments and massages, and deep conditioning treatments... and my hair feels incredible! I have food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and countless other things that are definately NOT necessary for living!
So now, after taking into perspective this "depression"... My spirits are lifted. Realizing the things that we, as humans, feel sorry for ourselves about each and every day... the things that we complain about... the things that we disrespect our authority for... it's just so stupid. Why waste our time? We are so little and He is so Great.
He WILL supply everything that we need and more! He is sovereign! He knows what He's doing! He's God for crying out loud!!! Now to get in the habit of trusting.... :)
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Leesha, I love reading about your life, your new life. Be sure to give yourself a little room to change (and change isn't always what we think it will be.) There's a lot of newness in your life and many things have changed in a big way. (And that takes us by surprise sometimes even though we "signed up for it." Thankfully, God never changes and neither does His expectations of us: simple obedience. I'm so glad that your schedules have worked out to be more in sync with one another. Pour your slouching on the couch time into a good book or newlywed Bible study to pass the time w/a good focus. Hope you start to feel better soon.
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